Introducing Me: The Broken One

There I sat, outside my parent's bedroom door, the sounds of my mom sobbing inside her room. I was five years old. It was a Sunday morning and we were all about to go to church. "Erica, get in the car," my dad said. I sat there, crying, unsure what was going on or even why I was crying. "I want to stay with mom." I said. "No, go get in the car." So I did. 

I don't know why that day is seared in my brain. I don't have any idea what happened that day other than that myself, my sister, my brother, and my dad went to church and my mom did not. I know my heart hurt for her. It felt her pain, even though I did not understand it. 

Another day I will never forget, though the details are few...Second grade, walking in the living room, I was greeted by my dad in tears. He said, "Mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. Mommy doesn't love daddy anymore." Devastation, fear, frustration, and hot tears ran down my face. "I don't understand," I thought. Moments later my mom came in and said, "Mommy and daddy are not getting a divorce, don't worry Erica." I don't remember anything else, just relief. But I'll never forget that day.

Many moments after this I can recall my parents fighting, lots of tears, days of my mom staying in her room, and general sorrow. I can also recall so many great moments we had together. Lots of laughter, family vacations, holidays, and family fun nights. 

I share these moments with you, to lay a foundation of my beautifully, gracefully broken life. You see, brokenness isn't something that happens just once in our lives. It isn't one catastrophic event that takes place, but rather many broken moments that we determine to allow defeat us, or we turn to Jesus to carry us. 

The days I told you about that I can recall so clearly were hard. They left scars in my life. They began my brokenness. They began my choices of turning to or away from my Savior. I was saved at the age of five. I knew Jesus loved me. I knew I needed His grace to enter Heaven. I knew that my sin cost Him everything. I knew He died, was buried and rose again. What I didn't know was all that He would do to carry me, to mold me, to shape me, to break me. 

Maybe you are reading this and you think, this lady is nuts. That's ok! Thanks for stopping by and checking out my blog. For the rest of you, who can understand the hurt, the brokenness, who have either found beauty in it, or are looking to see how to find beauty in it, YOU are my people. I hope you will join me in this journey called life as we unfold our beautifully, gracefully broken stories!