Forgiven

Windows rolled down, casually driving home in the beautiful sunshine; I heard something on the radio that caught my attention. "I didn't tell my church or the Christian radio station I worked for that I got divorced for six months. I was so afraid of what people would think of me." My heart ached as I recalled my own feelings through my divorce.

I was a Pastor's daughter, at Pensacola Christian College going to school for youth ministries. I loved everything about ministry. I was ready to jump right in. So I did. I married at the young age of 20 years old and one month later became "Miss Erica" aka the youth pastor's wife. We served there for 9 years and then moved to Madison, IN where I became "Miss Erica" the pastor's wife. I enjoyed ministry so much. I love people. I love counseling. I love serving. But I was so lonely. Many things were not as they appeared on my face. My face always wore a bright smile and a God's got this glow. But inside I felt worthless. I was dying. 

Through a series of circumstances and choices (for a later blog post) I left my husband of 13 years in December 2015. Before leaving, I had several fears. The greatest fear: what in the world would people think of me? How could I survive the stares, the whispers, the attacks? I convinced myself that I would survive and I made the difficult step. 

And then it happened. Like fine china on a high shelf on a windy day, my world came crashing down and my heart shattered. Calls, texts, emails flooded in on a daily basis- all of them- attacks on me, my character, my ability to be a good mother. I was accused of being lost, being abusive, condemning my children to hell, and being the worst mom there is. I had never experienced anything like this. Ever. I had never been on the end of Christianity that drove someone into the ground. I had never been treated so poorly in my entire life. And all without a single question as to why. (not that it's ok to treat someone that way if the reason isn't good, but just seems even more strange to treat someone that way without knowing why!) 

Shouldn't Christians be the most forgiving? After all, they have been the most forgiven. Shouldn't Christians reach out with a desire to restore a brother/sister fallen? After all, they have been restored. Shouldn't Christians be the most merciful? After all, they have experienced the most mercy. My mind raced in a thousand different directions. My physical body sick at the thought of going to church and facing any of these "Christians". 

This was ongoing for at least two years. It was the hardest time in my entire life. But by the grace of God, I stand here today to tell you FORGIVENESS is REAL! NOT ALL CHRISTIANS are this way! In the midst of the many who treated me this way, there were a few who reached out in love. Real love. Agape love. The love of God that says, Hey, I don't agree with all your choices, but I know that Jesus loves you and I do too. The love that brought my family dinner. The love that sent a text saying, I'm praying for you today. The love that said, Would you like to come over for dinner at my house today? THOSE Christians helped restore my love of church. THOSE Christians helped me to move from darkness to light. 

I am determined to be one of THOSE Christians. And for you who sit and read this and you are not, I have great news for you-- YOU CAN BE! It's one simple decision to love like Jesus loves. It's one choice that says I want to see people the way YOU do Jesus! It's one choice that says despite how I feel or what I think, I WILL FORGIVE! I will remember that my sins nailed Jesus to the cross, and I am no better than that person. 

We CAN change the world. One person at a time. One decision at a time. Choose forgiveness today.